A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize