Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize