you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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