My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
