he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I intend to get homeless drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
