u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
