She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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