sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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