apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
