Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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