those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
