i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
