Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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