one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
