I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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