so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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