the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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