I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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