You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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