Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
