Whod you bang
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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