Come see our sink grown plant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
