so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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