We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
