i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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