can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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