Define "chronic" masturbator.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
