Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
