didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
