Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
