tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
