I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
