Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
