After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
do nipples grow back?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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