But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
