used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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