so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
