And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
