I'm lost and stupid without you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
