i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize