i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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