What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
