You're my little dorito
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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