we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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