I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
