Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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