all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize