I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
