Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
