Michael Bay diarrhea
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
