even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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