i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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