So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
