just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
