Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize