you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
