It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
