We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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