I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
