were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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