I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My vagina just clenched in fear
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
