Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize