I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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