He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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