a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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