i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize