1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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