And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
