So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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