Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
