I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
