Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize