bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
