Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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