My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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