Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
dude. I can hear the air.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize