Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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