So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
