Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
