I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
