the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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