Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
