I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
