standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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