Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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