I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
