Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
