never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
