well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize