Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize