im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
