I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
