a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
