I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
