At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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