nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
