If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
