can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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