Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
