I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
