This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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