I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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