What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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